I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
