I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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