If that was your dad, he is hot
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
