I never want to see another naked old woman again.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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