Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
