ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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