I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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