Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
