i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
