im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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