I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
