I don't usually arrange sex via text message
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
