u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
my shit smells like andre
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
