i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
