Life is so much better after having sex.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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