I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
