all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
