i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
A+ Viking dick
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
