Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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