Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
