Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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