i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
My bed smells like the plague
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