as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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