All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
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