i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Floor bacon is actually really good
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
