dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
