wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
