She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
