My room smells like vodka and shame
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
