can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
