Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
