So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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