but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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