got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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