Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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