so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
