I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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