You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
