the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
