Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
