Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
