You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
