Pregnant stripper...not hot.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
my sisters under your porch take her home
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
