Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
