If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
