if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
