i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
