This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
