i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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