I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
