Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
