i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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