I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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