that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
