i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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