Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
